i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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