Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
