can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
