Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
