I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
