Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
