physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
