4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
