I hate your face
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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