every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
