He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
