Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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