4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
