it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
