yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
