How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
