I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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