i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
