I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize