Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
