My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
