And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
