I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
