omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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