My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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