I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
