She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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