He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
