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best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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