____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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