If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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