don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize