But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
