it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
