that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
