is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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