I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
