I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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