i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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