Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think a kid would responsible me up
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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