What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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