i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
