I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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