you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
