so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize