okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
how drunk are you?
Several
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
