His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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