You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
