I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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