I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dick has a subreddit
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
