that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
