At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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