i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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