just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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