he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
