R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
