dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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