I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
