I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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