When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
