I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
