I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
