last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
