Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
