there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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