and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
