alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
