I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
