I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
