Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
