I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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