That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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